<webpage id="oscars">
    <config param="desc" value="if OS were cars"/>
    <config param="rcsdate" value="$Date: 2009-03-23 00:35:32 -0400 (Mon, 23 Mar 2009) $"/>
    <head>
        <title>All About Cars</title>
        <summary>if OS were cars</summary>
        <keywords>Humor, OS, MS-DOS, Windows, Macintosh, Amiga, VAX, Unix</keywords>
    </head>
    <para>What Driving To The Store Would Be Like If Operating Systems Ran Your Car</para>
    <formalpara>
        <title>MS-DOS</title>
        <para> You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>Windows</title>
        <para> You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back
            of the car is a freight train.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>Macintosh System 7</title>
        <para> You get in the car to go to the store. The car drives you to church instead, because
            the store has mysteriously exploded.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>UNIX</title>
        <para> You get in the car and type GREP STORE. You screech off at 200 miles per hour and
            arrive at the barber shop.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>Windows NT</title>
        <para> You get in the car and write a letter that says "go to the store." Then you get out
            of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>Amiga</title>
        <para> You get in the car and tell it to go to the store. It takes you to a shopping mall on
            the Moon.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>Apple</title>
        <para> As you set out for the store, a hurricane comes up. The streets flood and the
            windshield wipers quit. You wash up in front of a store on a desert island in the South Pacific.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>VAX</title>
        <para> You get in the car and find that the controls are all labeled in Egyptian
            hieroglyphics. You press several buttons at random and suddenly find yourself parked in
            front of a store, next to an Apple.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>OS/2</title>
        <para> After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive to the store
            with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows
            up, killing you and half the town.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>S/36 SSP [mainframe, obviously]</title>
        <para> You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While
            walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.</para>
    </formalpara>
    <formalpara>
        <title>AS/400</title>
        <para> An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store, where you get
            to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.</para>
    </formalpara>
</webpage>

